I’m sitting in my bed, stretching my legs out because today I’ve spent hours walking the streets of New York city. Here are some thoughts about it:
- It’s darker than I thought and the buildings dissappear up in the clouds, the smell, the smoke, the soft rain. I love it.
- There’s so many things happening already that whatever you’re doing might have already been done by someone. A lot of big people. I both do and do not feel cool here.
- Manhattan is big, not a small island, but a city. It’s not one Street that is cool and crowded. The buildings stretch endlessly. Yet everything is right here, you can walk from central Park to rockefeller to times square.
- I went to the New York Public Library. There are so many place where people are just being.
- It feels completely ridiculous that New York city actually exists outside of the TV screen, like being here made me realise that in my head it was almost a fairytale. It’s a dream walking these streets. Yet it makes itself obvious.
- It would take years of lunches to discover all the cute places to eat. Tempting.
And that’s all for this first day.
(I wrote “Along the way” as the name of this post, but this whole blog could carry that name, a life could.)
Do you want to give coffee to a stranger in snowy New York City??
Random post, I know, but do you guys remember this thing I wrote a while ago?? I still really want to give out Starbucks in Tokyo, but since I’m going to New York in a couple weeks anyways, I thought I’d try it there!
Soo, feel very welcome to click the link and give a few dollars, and I’ll use it to buy a coffee or hot chocolate and give it to a real, living, breathing person on the streets of New York! Kinda cool, right? And if you buy two I’ll use the extra money to send you a cute little christmasy thank you note! Cause I love to tie it back to you, so that you (whoever you are) also get something real and tangible after just clicking a few buttons. Just send me your address in an Instagram dm!
Hugs to you, I’m not writing much here right now, mainly because my computer broke and I’m sad, but I’m also happy because there are more important things in life than computers (say it til you mean it) and I’ll write more other days.
(Also, just one more thing, can we all appreciate that there are websites like unsplash where you can just download copyright-free photos, just like that?? I mean I could technically just download a bunch and make a pretty Instagram? And it wouldn’t be illegal? Cool. Okay, actually good bye.)
(Different ways of being in places that aren’t really home)
Leaving – The sudden realization that you’ve already left a place. But you’re also still there. You walk the streets and you see the views, but like in an old photo where everything’s already memories.
Arriving – When you’ve put your feet down. Stopped walking, stopped pacing, stopped turning your head around. You’ve sat down and you’re there. A feeling that exists in short, defined moments, usually parallell to emotional contentment and the good kind of acceptance. Can echo into longer or shorter seasons.
Going – Similar but different from leaving. You know that where you are is for a time and that you’re going somewhere else, but it doesn’t make you any less present. Drop the emotional detachement. If leaving is the feeling that you should have already left, going is the knowledge that you will, when it’s time.
Completely random thought from the other day:
There’s never been a generation more aware of their own sin. They might not categorize it as such, and they might try to cover it up – or cure it – with some twisted form of self acceptance. But don’t underestimate how much the world knows its judgement. And how much it acts in compensation for that.
(And of course let’s not skirt around the edges of chains, but let’s focus on how they fall.)
(Florida, love, I missed you)
(The sun falls into our garden at an angle, and it flows over the dead tree with five perfect spiderwebs in its corners. Threads grow from the ground up into it, my mum put them there for flowers to follow. They will continue next stummer. Right here, the sky is half blue, half dark gray. Water rests on the grass from ten minutes ago. It’s green still, and for now all golden, in this last rest of summer. For goodbye, go down with it.)
This is actually goodbye because I’m going to America again. Like, tomorrow. I’ll try to write there too, but here’s something I’ve discovered: This blog is about swedish summer, and about this cabin in the midst of it. If I continue, I need to figure out how to make it about the rest of my life. Possibly by figuring out the rest of my life. We’ll see.
Hugs from me.
Fun fact: Yesterday I got really excited about an idea and I wanted to make a pretty headline for it in my notebook, I googled a picture of a lightbulb and everything, and I almost forgot the actual idea like ten times while making it decorative. (BUT I DIDN’T, I PROMISE.)
(From a weekend away with my church. We do this every autumn, go somewhere and fill the days with get-to-know-each-other-games and bible studies. When I was a kid it was the biggest event of the year, sharing a room with friends and staying up til midnight. It’s different now, not bad though. This year I had deep conversations with the adults. I’m in between categories.)
Anyway, thought of the week:
Maybe your weakness is revealed not so you can finally get out of it, but so that you can be in it. Stay in the place of desperation. Find yourself in humility.
Step 1: Feel the insecurities well up inside when you realise you have no idea how to continue your painting. You’re kind of happy with it and feel like it can only go downhill from here. You’re generally bad at finishing things.
Step 2: Edit a photo of your painting, so you can see what different ways of continuing would look like! You do now not have to paint anything until you’re like, quite certain you won’t mess up.
Step 3: Safely choose the route you prefer.
(Wish you could do this with life.)