When I turned 21 a few days ago I escaped to the north of Sweden to go skiing with my family, because birthday parties give me anxiety.
It’s not parties in general, just that if I host one myself I feel like EVERYONE HAS TO HAVE THE BEST NIGHT THEY’VE EVER HAD and that’s a lot of pressure. So I haven’t really had a birthday party since I was a small kid. It’s good then that I have friends who throw me surprise parties (even if I’m sweaty and disgusting from skiing when I arrive.) (And to be fair my mum organised a lot of it, which is extremely sweet and a little bit sad at the same time, considering I’m supposedly a “grown up”. But hey, next birthday I’ll probably be on another continent (I pray))
Anyway, birthday=great, and here you have a pre-party sisters picture.
Hello heart, sun in my chest. Today is a bright day.
Make sure that you don’t look away.
Keep your gaze on the inside of this moment, keep your focus on not tomorrow.
The word procrastination does not exist in the swedish language. We have a word that means to push something to the future, but procrastinating is not just postponing something, it’s the verb for what you’re actually doing while pushing something to the future. So it describes doing something, but it describes it not by saying what you’re doing, but by saying what you are NOT. (weird word, I like it)
Sometimes though, I think the subconscious processing of thoughts is undervalued.
It always makes me think about a story I heard once. It’s about the emperor of China or something, and how he told an artist to paint the most beautiful painting ever (of some motif, I don’t remember). The artist spent years working on his painting, but when he was supposed to be done, he asked for another year, and another, saying he was not quite finished. When he finally appeared before the emperor and uncovered the canvas, it was empty. He then took his paints out, and painted the most beautiful painting in 15 minutes.
How long did it take for the artist to paint the picture? 15 minutes? Or all those years?
I can usually write a school essay because I’ve been writing it for a long time. Even if I write it the night before it’s due, it’s been in the back of my mind for a long time.
The question is, is it better to consciously decide to do something later, instead of constantly pushing it to the next minute? Do some intentional procrastinating? (I suppose that’s called planning) Or is the stress necessary to constantly have it there in the back of your mind?
I don’t know. I don’t have enough patience to finish writing about this.