So cozy. Very zen. But honestly also a bit boring, I don’t know why I feel that way about painting flowers.
(I just have to add, because I was gonna post this but then I looked out the window this morning, and saw:
I hope the flowers are okay.)
What’s the point of anything? I don’t know. But it exists. And we exist. The things around us are what we know, the sound of the bus, the trees outside the window, that’s reality right now. And I can change that. I sing a song under my breath, and suddenly that’s the sound of the world right now. I can make a sculpture, so that’s what people see. We can change what’s around us, change what this is, and so change who we are. There’s so much space, and art is being intentional when filling it up.
That’s the only meaning we know.
I walked through the forest today, just after the sun had set, but while the sky was still clear enough that it could have been a cloudy midday. The birds were singing like crazy, as if trying to call the day back. The forest floor was covered in green leaves and white buds that made my heart hurt. Soon those flowers will bloom and it will look like it has been snowing again, until they die and leave space for summer. I looked and walked and thought that this was the saddest sadness I’d ever seen. The birds see death and think of birth, and I see birth and think of death.
And so I walk the road towards my death. Towards the end of me and the start of you.
For those of us who know who Jesus is, it might be difficult to understand why he had to do what he did.
But for those of us who know who we are, it’s easy to understand.
I’ve always liked the idea of being a person who runs, but I don’t like the idea of being the kind of person who just likes the idea of being a person who runs.
So I run.
This is what studying looked like today:
Because my current assignment for the course I’m taking is to observe how people use their phones. So basically I need to be a bit creepy, hang out in a public place for like an hour and take notes of what I see; what kind of people use their phones and in what way? And then I suppose I’m gonna write about my groundbreaking discoveries.
It’s a really cool course. And a really nice spring day.
I don’t want a happy life. I want the darkest, lowest valleys and the highest of heights, I want the truth of the universe and the pain of hell if that’s what it takes for me to learn something. Eyes wide open and mind spinning, I want to close my eyes, crazy.